I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
