I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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