I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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