I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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