i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
So here I am, sexting at work.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
