therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
