My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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