Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
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The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
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I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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