It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Randomize
