Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
