did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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