let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
