The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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