You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
