Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
