not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I lost the right to judge tonight
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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