the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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