I showed him my bush... on skype.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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