drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize