how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
