That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
