What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
