hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
