So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
