So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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