And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
