I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
