He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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