You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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