Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I want to fling myself into the sun
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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