areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
