with your own penis?
another moral hangover. fuck.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
