Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
