I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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