Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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