why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
