Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
