I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
