and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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