i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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