Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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