shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
