Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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