Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize