is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
