What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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