she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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