LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
