This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
