I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
