Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
