It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
