Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
