Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
