Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
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just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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