Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
