Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
you win again, gameday.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
