Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
