I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
