I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Randomize
