You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
