Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
