I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
