Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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