Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
