so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
