I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
