i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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