When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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