I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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