It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
