We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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