Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
