I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
