I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
