Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
