jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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