butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
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I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
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That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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