does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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